In the most biblical sense, I am beyond repentance
by The Last Donna
Summary: It wasn't meant to be, but infortunatley it was. Castiel is my virtue, Balthazar is the demon I cling to. Based off of the song Judas by Lady Gaga.


There were many reasons why I shouldn't be in love with the angel Balthazar but sadly, I am. If anything it should be Castiel he is my superior and much better then Balthazar. I know what he is, he is in a sense Judas, I know he will betray Cas at any chance he can get now that this war is happening in Heaven. Balthazar is his friend, his ally, I try way too hard. I am an angel torn, caught in the middle of a battle I cannot win, in love with my demon, true to my higher power. I suppose I fell in love with Balthazar when he faked his own death to walk in Castiel's shoes. I of course fell with Cas since I was told to stick by his side by God and I am willing to do anything for Cas.

"Ah my lovely Seraphina how are you doing on this fine day?" Balthazar spoke, a British accent coming out of his vessel, as he stepped towards me. I stood in front of a beach, the sun setting, this is where I came to think, and this is where we ended up meeting; a lot. It seems I've been doing way too much thinking lately, so much it scares me.

"I hear Cas wants you to un-sink the Titanic, is what I hear true?" I asked bluntly.

"Yes, but if it makes you happy I have no idea why he wants me to do it though, too much bloody work if you ask me."

"Then let me come with you, please," I told him while pouting my lower lip. He was looking at me now, a smile playing on his lips.

"Why not? And after we're done saving all of those people we can share a first class suite together. We can give these vessels some exercise don't you think?"

"Well for one I don't think Cas will be too fond of the second thing if he finds out," I told him coyly.

"The boss doesn't need to find out what we do in our spare time, he doesn't even know what we've been up to."

"Fine, but we make it quick, alright."

"Even though there's no fun in that I must agree with you. I must add if we angels could love as humans do, I'd love you way to much"

With that we saved the lives of many, though it didn't turn out the way it was supposed to. Fate ended up killing everyone who was supposed to die including a newly resurrected Ellen and Jo Harvelle. Having those two die again broke the Winchesters hearts a second time. Cas had a suspicion that I may have helped Balthazar so from that day I stuck close to Cas.

Weeks later after a few close encounters of Cas almost finding Balthazar and myself out, I learned that Balthazar was going to tell Sam and Dean where Cas has been hiding to stop him from opening purgatory. I may not have liked the plan to open it but if it meant obeying, I had to, it was my duty. I couldn't let Castiel be blindly led to his death; this would cause a major uproar and Raphael to have his wish in letting the Apocalypse happen for a second time.

"Castiel, I have something I need to tell you," I whispered as I was standing next to him.

"Sera, there must really be something wrong you haven't called me Castiel in a very long time, please tell me what's wrong," he replied to me in a sombre tone. I could tell there was a bit of worry in his voice.

"It's Balthazar, I promised myself I wouldn't betray him but I'm much more loyal to you. As of right now he's Judas and you're Jesus being led to the Romans, or in this case Sam and Dean Winchester."

Once that was said it was like a wave of panic was swept off of my chest, followed by a wave of guilt, then by kindness that was radiating off of Cas.

"Thank you, now if you don't mind I will call him here and get this over with."

The next thing I knew Balthazar was in front of us, I stood strong as Cas explained that there was a Judas in our mix. I kept a poker face the whole time to make sure he knew it wasn't me who told Cas what he had done. I wasn't expecting what came next; Cas appeared behind him killing him with his angel sword. I gasped; instead of giving forgiveness he killed his one true friend. Hours later Cas and I escaped Crowley and Raphael. Cas drank the blood mixture taking in countless amounts of souls, with this I could see the power radiating off of him; he was an angel no more. We returned to the mansion where we were welcomed by Crowley, Dean, Bobby and Raphael.

Castiel explained that he switched the jars, killed Raphael and Crowley escaped. He then proceeded to tell Dean and Bobby that Crowley would get what he deserved. Sam Winchester showed up at the last minute and stabbed Cas with an angel sword which had no affect on him what-so-ever. My thoughts about who he was now became a reality.

"I am your new God, and you will bow down to me. Seraphina I know what you did with Balthazar and I shall punish you for your sins when we return to Heaven. Prepare to ask for forgiveness."

With this I bowed my head to show I understood I had a lot of asking to do to make him forgive me.


End file.
